Every year thousands of people living busy, modern lives, venture down the plant medicine path, perhaps finding a local facilitator or participating in a clinical trial, or perhaps going on an all-inclusive luxury retreat in Central or South America. The overarching aim is to experience the healing effects of psychoactive plants such as ayahuasca, psilocybin, San Pedro, and ibogaine. I have been on two such retreats, as documented here in Ayahuasca scared the living shit out of me…and three years later I returned.
The effects of plant medicine can be profound, but journeying with them is not for everyone. After I completed my mission of “successfully” working with ayahuasca, I have retired so to say, from psychedelic experiences, for the unforeseeable future at least.
I am a firm believer that I am on the path of introspection and knowledge through meditation, energy work, and conventional plant magic. As a student of herbalism, the word “plant medicine” can be used to describe any plant that heals and brings the body and mind back to homeodynamis, or the ever-changing flux of balance. My teacher uses this term to acknowledge the fact that balance is never static nor something we achieve, it is momentarily held.
I study a vitalist approach to herbalism, where the essence, or spirit of a plant, can work not only to relieve physical ailments but disturbances in the mind and energetic field as well. Plant medicine healing does not have to be a mind-altering experience, although non-psychedelic plants can affect brain chemistry, hormones, and the nervous system, just in subtler ways than blasting off into the cosmos or receiving messages from aliens.
What’s undeniable is that the plants reach out to you when the time is right for healing. When you get the call, you know.
The Call
One morning during the last week of August, I woke up with a thought that did not seem to be my own. It was a thought that was seemingly coming from a higher place or another realm. This thought was fairly firm in stating that I needed to do a juice detox…soon. Knowing what I know now about Vedic Astrology (which is a little bit more than before), the planets were due to align for the month of September to support changes in relationships to food and to address “habits” (addictions?).
I knew the exact person I needed to reach out to, Ellen with Eat Me Skinny, a small production all-natural juice shop here in Nassau. That day (I believe it was a Thursday), I messaged Ellen about starting a 3-day juice detox. She was away and I wasn’t keen on starting over a weekend anyway, so I agreed to start the following Tuesday.
I picked up my array of juices on Monday afternoon. The glass bottles were aligned in a soft cooler stating the day and the numbered order to consume the juice. The contents of the bottles encompassed the vibrant colors of the fruits of nature. There were green juices with celery, zucchini, cucumber, and mint, there were purple juices with beets, parsley, and lemon, and orange juices with carrot, apple, and ginger. There was even a black activated charcoal juice. She went over all the details about how I might be feeling and what might come up. I was sure I could handle it. I eat ridiculously healthy, and fairly light, only 2 small meals per day generally, so 5 juices plus morning and evening tea should be more than enough.
The Juicing Commences
On the first day, I started with my lemon water and apple cider vinegar and then an herbal tea. The first day’s push involved feeling the minor effects of a lack of coffee, so I felt fairly tired throughout the entire day. My daily beverage has been one scoop of coffee, one scoop of copomo (a non-caffeinated toasted nut from Mexico), and my powdered mushroom mix. I don’t consider myself a heavy coffee drinker, so the withdrawal effects were mild.
Part of me was looking forward to disconnecting from my human body. I’ve been fascinated by the idea of Breatharians (people who live only on the energy of the sun and the ether/air around them) and I liked the sound of moving toward a juice diet. I figured I’d be able to slip easily into meditation throughout this process. It was common practice for Native Americans to go off on a vision quest, fasting alone in the wilderness and receiving messages from spirit.
But that night, I felt an extreme sense of uneasiness. Normally a sound sleeper, my sleep was not only restless, but it was as if my physical body was seemingly attempting to join my astral body in the dream realms. I received the message that my physical body is generally supposed to be the anchor for the astral body. It needs to remain grounded so that in dreamtime, the astral body can go off and explore and do all the things that astral bodies do, knowing it’s connected to the Earth plane and it can come back when it needs to. If the physical body isn’t grounded, there’s no Yin to the Yang.
The next morning, I woke up feeling extremely ungrounded. If you are familiar with Ayurveda, I generally deal with excess states of Vata. In Chinese Medicine, it’s Yin Deficiency. For those of you out there who have no idea what I’m talking about, it means that I struggle with flighty thoughts, attention distraction, and spaciness of the mind, along with excess dry and cold energetics in the physical body. Juicing is not typically recommended for Vata constitutions as it promotes flightiness of the mind and coldness. It’s recommended to ramp up on healthy oils and fats, starchy root veggies, and warming soups and stews to come to balance.
By the middle of day two, I started to feel the effects of my blood sugar levels begin to go out of whack. I switched from a fairly high healthy oil/fats and salt/mineral diet to a low oil/fats and more fruit sugar than I was used to. Now keep in mind that I’m not really your average eater. I’d say most people consume a moderate to a high amount of sugar, whether it’s through actual sweets and desserts, natural fruits, bread, and rice, not to mention processed foods, so the juice detox is going to be considerably less sugar intake for most people. I rarely eat fruit and cashews taste sweet to me, if that gives you any idea.
I started getting extreme flightiness of the mind, to the point where I couldn’t focus on my work, so I decided to venture out to tackle some errands. It got messy when the gal at a shop I entered asked me to put hand sanitizer on (I am totally against applying unknown potential chemicals to my hands and I’m so over it in general) and I nearly lost my shit. It wasn’t until I got into my car and burst out into (irrational) tears that I realized what was going on. I knew this feeling all too well.
Back in the day, I used to get yelled at by my husband if it got to be noon time and we were on the road and I’d start having a meltdown. He’d ask… “have you eaten?” of course, I’d respond that I hadn’t. He knew very well the onset of my blood sugar levels being out of whack. Back then it was probably over-consuming alcohol the evening before and coffee that morning. I haven’t had one of those meltdowns in years because I’ve been able to regulate my diet, so I generally fast until about noon with absolutely no issues. I don’t believe it was a lack of calories/food, but changes to my internal sugar levels.
Now my mind was in turmoil. Do I eat and break the fast, and ultimately fail the juice detox? Or do I press onward? My competitive ego, which always wants to “be the best” and “win” was telling me that I had to keep going with the juices. But my body was telling me otherwise. I was facing a massive decision. My competitive nature has been a huge hurdle for me to face on my healing journey. Do I win and achieve the glory of completion, or do I fail and walk away with my tail between my legs because I, the yogi healer, who should be able to ace a juice detox, just couldn’t handle it? My thoughts were tumultuous for several hours. At this point, my hands were shaking and I had the onset of a splitting headache.
Finally, I caved. I knew I had to honor my body and I didn’t need to be a hero. I eyed up the only items I had in my refrigerator, as I had pretty well emptied it before my detox. I still had some turmeric basmati rice and a head of cauliflower. I roasted the cauliflower and prepared some homemade hummus, which I topped with plenty of sea salt and high-quality olive oil. The act of preparing food soothed my flighty mind. Cooking has always been my meditation space. That’s one thing with a juice detox or a fast, you reevaluate your relationship to food and the ceremony of cooking and sharing meals with family. Eating is so much a part of the human experience and we have so many rituals around food.
I ate my small bowl of food with reverence, and my body thanked me.
Now, the onset of guilt, or as I learned recently, shame. Guilt is when you’ve actually done something wrong, and shame is when you think you have done something wrong, but it might not actually be wrong. An example is your religious faith telling you it’s bad to have impure thoughts, so you feel shame if you do. Does God really think it’s bad if you have some lusty thoughts toward someone you’re attracted to? Or is that simply human nature. This is something I’ve had to also work on in my healing journey as I consciously resolve the programming from my Catholic upbringing. I’ve always called it Catholic guilt, but it should be Catholic shame.
So that brings me back to my point, how was I going to break it to Ellen that I failed her juice detox? She had been so supportive and encouraging of me. She was ready to have flowers and a gold metal waiting for me upon crossing the finish line. After I ate, all I could think about was if I was going to tell her or not. As you raise your frequency, it becomes more and more difficult to lie, it’s uncomfortable and almost painful. I knew that it would drop me out of whatever frequencies I was attempting to tap into if I was untruthful about the fact that I broke the fast.
Sure enough, the next morning when she checked in on day three, I had a decision to make. Do I answer…“Doing great thanks!” or “I had a tiny snack” or “I had a bowl of rice and vegetables.” I decided to be completely transparent and I shared with her what I did. This is when the plants really got to work on me. My thinking mind, my shame-filled mind was telling me all of the ways that I disappoint people, how I can be so unthoughtful with my brutal honesty at times and how often I hurt people even without malevolent intentions behind my honesty. My mind turned into an unruly crowd, cackling and heckling, the noise became unbearable. I felt alone, I had no one to turn to, and I was being cornered by my mind, angry townspeople with torches ablaze coming to avenge my bad deeds. This was a dark night of the soul moment.
I continued on with the juice, determined to finish. On the morning of the fourth day, it was technically over, but I decided to wait to eat until the afternoon. I sat in contemplation and it was then that I finally forgave myself. I forgave my egoic mind for being so strong-willed and so hard on myself for all these years. I sent love to my body, that had been only wanting me to listen. I realized the true meaning of surrender. For so long I had been fighting my thoughts, a battle going on in my mind. It was time to free those tumultuous thoughts once and for all and begin to truly listen to the ever-changing needs of my human self.
On the Other Side
It has been over a week since I set off on the juice detox journey. I’ve continued on with my lemon water and herbal tea each morning in place of my coffee/copomo beverage and I got through the weekend without my usual couple of glasses of wine. I went through a breakup with alcohol several years ago, but since then it’s been an on-again-off-again ordeal. With an affinity toward escapism and a touch of social anxiety, I find it difficult to quit completely. But with the combination of removing coffee, it’s as if the wave of uppers and downers has taken me into this steady, stable place and I don’t want to mess with it. And on a super positive note, my skin looks and feels incredibly hydrated!
Something major shifted in me during this communion with the plants, although I’m not sure if I know the full depth and breadth of it. Like other forms of plant medicine that I have been called to over the years - the strange siren’s song of Mother Ayahuasca to the subtler calls of marshmallow root and sage, these plants, these fruits and vegetables bared my raw soul. They pushed me to the extremes of my imbalances to show me what was still lurking in there, despite all my years of peeling back the layers.
I was able to take a step back and reevaluate my relationship with food. I was reminded of my deep love and connection with the process of cooking, gathering, and savoring. Who are we as humans in a world that isn’t revolved around food? The thrill of a new and exotic taste, recipes passed down over generations, and the comfort and satisfaction of sitting at a table with loved ones.
In Conclusion
Do I really believe I failed the juice detox? No. I believe the plants gave me exactly what I needed, as they always do. Would I recommend a juice detox? Sure. I think everyone should explore as many means of healing as possible. It really is trial and error until something eventually causes a shift within. But I would absolutely 100% listen to your body. Nevermind the mind, I’m talking about the body. Your mind will come up with all kinds of reasons to quit, to cave, to throw in the towel, and go back to what’s easy. I invite you to push through the chatter of the lower mind, just like we do in yoga practice when we hold chair pose for far too long. Some of us need to push ourselves to accomplish our goals, on the other hand, some of us need to let go and stop pushing so hard. Be honest with yourself, and be kind to yourself.
And finally, be prepared to be surprised. I thought this was going to be my first step toward living off sunlight and being one with the natural world. In my case, I experienced what I thought I wanted and realized that it’s not what this human body actually needed. You never know what’s going to come up with the plants. They are sneaky in their ways. Stay open and surrender to the process of the healing power of plants.
